Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Advice for Authors-Don't.

Let's start with the first don't.

Don't be an asshole.

Unless that's really, truly who you are. I'm all about honesty, so feel free to let your jerk flag fly. 

Maybe, just maybe, your books will be awesome enough for me to read them anyway. ;)

Memes. Oh yes, the beloved meme. 

Stop sharing those. Authors shouldn't share memes. They're lame and sometimes they have bad grammar. 

What else are you supposed to share?

Hmm...let me think.

Not your opinion. You shall be Switzerland. Always. You shall have no opinions beyond what's in your books. But what's in the books, stays in the books.

Don't pimp, don't constantly share snippets, don't let anyone see that review hurt you. Yes, they suggested you should never have been born, but buck up buttercup! You need to have a shell like a fucking tank!

While I'm on the fucking tank thought, don't fucking swear. Readers don't like that shit.

Deciding what to share is difficult, but not overly so. All you have to do is realize every single reader is exactly the same. What catches their attention isn't your personality--you're a writer, what are you doing with a personality? Just write damn it!

What draws readers is exactly what drew readers 10 and 20 and 50 years ago. So stick with what works!

Self-publishing has really made a mess of things. You have books out there that aren't following any formula. You have serials, long books, short books, bundles. There's a relationship between authors and readers that should never exist.

This must be stopped.

Do not try to use common sense in your interactions. This will do you no good. Find the advice out there that will lead you in the right direction. Advice just like what I've shared here.

Many are better with the absolutes. Those are the ones you absolutely must adhere to.

If you don't? Well, authoring. You're doing it wrong! :P


  1. ERMAGERD!! Girlfriend, this made me snarf my tea! Can you post a "warning: put down whatever you're drinking prior to reading this post" next time? Then again, maybe that should be one of the "don'ts" ;)

    So funny, I shall share presently...with a meme...and some common sense...and a few other "don'ts" *teehee*


  2. "While I'm on the fucking tank thought, don't fucking swear. Readers don't like that shit."

    Bwahahahahahaha! Love you, Bianca.